WOMEN

Posted by QUOTES

Girls are special ones
created by God……
If you praise her,
she thinks you are lying.
If you dont, you are good for
nothing..
If she talks,she wants you
to listen.
If you listen,she wants
you to talk.
If you kiss her, you are not
a gentleman.
If you dont,you are not
a man.
If you agree to all her likes,
you are a wimp.
If you dont,you are
not understanding……..
So simple
yet so complex,
so wierd, yet so beautiful..

Wife is knife which kills your life

A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said," Dad! I've found a woman just like mother" His father replied, "So what do you want? sympathy?"

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. --Rodney Dangerfield

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. --Phyllis Diller

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. --Henny Youngman

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."!

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same : "You can have mine."

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction. --Oscar Wilde

A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon. --Arnold Haultain

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way. --Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. --Milton Berle

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. --George Burns

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."
I asked her, "Where's the car?" She replied, "In the lake."
Henny Youngman

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, You wish you had ordered that.

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.

A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. "A billionaire." she replied,

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.!

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman and then, BAM!, it was all gone!"
"What happened?" asked his friend.
"My wife found out...."

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house.
Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man thinks for a moment and says, "Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.

How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get your laundry done free.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive.

There's something luxurious about having a girl light your cigarette. In fact, I got married once on account of that. --Harold Robbins

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute. --Author Unknown

Men get laid, but women get screwed. --Quentin Crisp

The most popular image of the female despite the exigencies of the clothing trade is all boobs and buttocks, a hallucinating sequence of parabolae and bulges. --Germaine Greer